Every once in a while (or maybe more often than you would like to admit) an issue arises…
Maybe it is something that is inside of you, an internal struggle.
Or maybe it is an argument that you have with a co-worker, a friend or a random person on the street.
Whatever it is… it is conflict and it is a universal experience.
When we build businesses based on our passions, our emotions can run high which increases the chance of conflict. So, knowing how to handle conflict can mean the difference between holding yourself back and moving yourself forward. The challenge is getting out of the way in order to allow for harmony to return.
My good friend and incredible thought leader, Hillary Rubin has shared the following post to help inspire you to develop a system that will enable you to resolve conflict in your life. Now, you will be able to approach each conflict as an opportunity for growth.
Merriam-Webster defines conflict as: competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons).
Remember: conflict is tension. Tension breeds growth. Growth is necessary for your soul’s evolution.
Let’s get to it and evolve beyond what’s right or wrong. Let’s get to what’s REAL.
My question is: why does conflict get a bad rap?
If you’re anything like me, then you like to challenge the status quo. You have your own opinions and ways about you that may rub people the wrong way… creating conflict.
To me, this isn’t a bad thing. This is necessary to one’s awakening.
How so, you may be thinking?
I have a client who was met with a lot of resistance and conflict by her husband. She was done traveling for the year, happy to have the next couple of months to rest. But when her husband got a job out of town for 3 months, he wanted her to travel with him for business. She didn’t want to go.
He launched into a story that supported his fear that if she didn’t come, it would weaken their connection. He was hurt, and he began to spiral into a past experience that threatened their marriage. Though that experience was still a vivid memory, my client felt they could overcome it.
They were different people now. In their present, they could find a way to make it work. His argument was if “I go and you don’t, we wont last.” She held strong, and countered “I will go… but not for weeks at a time.” They couldn’t agree.
There was a middle line that could be met, if only there was room to explore.
He was so attached to his interests that he couldn’t hear her. And then… everything exploded.
He got angry and angrier and she felt less safe. No solution there… yet.
Here’s what I told my client:
These tips will help you with any conflict you meet in your life.
1. Always seek what is life-enhancing.
Radically accept the conflict. This is the most important. This conflict is like stress, a signal. Pay attention to the pain and struggle that it causes. Feel how you’re not in the flow. See this conflict as a contrast to give you more insight into what can bring you more into alignment. Everyone’s feelings – including yours – are worthy.
Listen to what they have to say without saying anything. Have them give it to you in bite size information so you can digest it. [don’t roll your eyes, sigh or comment. Be a reporter who is taking down the facts.]
3. Repeat back.
Say something like, “If I understand you correctly you said….”
Whether you agree or don’t agree, let them speak. If they say “The sky is red,” that doesn’t matter. Just let them get it out.
Then ask, “Is that right? Did I leave anything out?” If they did, then they will give you that info.
Do this long enough for them to get it all out.
4. Switch speaking roles.
You share what you feel in tiny bites. They repeat back the same way as I mentioned above.
5. Open to what is possible.
List what you both want. Then start to sit with what is possible for both of you to feel good, and like your feelings are tended to.
The key to any conflict is to use it to create peace, calm and a new state of understanding.
When you find yourself in conflict with others, see it as a projection of what’s going on inside. We are all walking around with feelings, ideas, concepts, DNA, wounds and beliefs. Use the rub as an opportunity to grow spiritually. Life is not about everything being easy or having others agree with us. It’s about getting clear about what you stand for and being open to change your mind.
Talk to us…
What area of your work/life do you have conflict you can grow from? Where are you closed? What is the new outcome you want to create?
A Spiritual Life + Career Coach, wellness pioneer and yogi, Hillary Rubin has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Origins Magazine,Yoga Journal and contributes to the Huffington Post. Hillary’s is dedicated to helping women all over the world create real, lasting change so they can live their ultimate fulfilling life. She is the founder of Your Souls University, creator of Hillary’s Yoga Practice Podcast and the Yoga DVD Foundations and was named one of the top 25 Women Entrepreneurs to Love in 2012 by sheownsit.com. Hillary is writing her first book, The Art of Becoming YOU, a guide to Change Your Reality Around Defeat, Misfortunes and Hardships.